Posts Tagged ‘web comic’


Dogbad 23 – What Devil?

Kit, Hoss, the Debbil and Hsss crash the game and confront the Snake Shaman.

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1. Suddenly and without warning, Kit McKlaw, Señor Hsss, Señor Hoss and the Debbil smash down the door of the private room. The partiers flee in panic.

2. As the room quickly empties, Kit draws a pair of revolvers. “Pardon us- we’re here to speak with Mister Snake Shaman.” He stands audacious- flanked by Señor Hsss, Señor Hoss and the Debbil- facing the room’s two remaining occupants- the seated Snake Shaman and his concomitant serpentess Ms Condomleeza Cobra. McKlaw continues,”We need to converse in private.” “Any objections?” adds his pistol.

3. With the last guest out the door, our friends can let down their bluff. “Shaman Sahib, please help us”, pleads Señor Hsss. McKlaw continues, “It’s my Hoss”; “We’ve been spooked” whinnies Señor Hoss.

4. “Na, DAG-NAB-it!” exclaims the cross Shaman. “What is your major malfunction? Can’t you crybabies mind your own bizness and let me mind mine?” He remains seated, and does not offer a chair to anyone. Manners hardly matter at this juncture- all the furniture save his own seat is strewn in bits and splinters around the room.

5. Señor Hoss steps forward. “It’s this Debbil on my butt, I can’t get rid of him! He’s beating me up!” Mister Snake Shaman looks down impassively.

6. Miss Cobra looks up at the Snake Shaman as he disctacts himself by catching flies. At length he replies with a question to Hoss: “What Devil?”

7. Señor Hoss snaps back at the Shaman: “What do you mean, “What Devil?” -This devil right here growing out of my butt! -That’s what devil! Are you BLIND?” Hoss continue pointing to his posterior without glancing back to see the Debbil has suddenly removed himself. What the devil is going on?

8. Hoss turns his attention to his own backside and is momentarily rendered speechless wirth surprise. “Bup, buh, he’s GONE!” The Snake Shaman remains sitting, Ms Cobra silent by his side. Señor Hsss looks on, himself puzzled.


Dogbad 24 – Snakes Don’t Pee

The Debbil has disappeared suddenly, and the Snake Shaman explains the Situation.

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1. Señor Hoss is beside himself with confusion- suddenly the Debbil is nowhere to be seen. He should be grateful enough to not ask any questions, but he puts it to the Snake Shaman: “What did you do? Where is he?” The Shaman is hugely amused at Hoss’s consternation. He rolls about in his chair guffawing his peculiar Shaman’s laugh: “HARKA HUK-HUK!, HORP-HORP!” “DO WHAT? What do you MEAN?”, he replies disingenuously.

2. “THE DEBBIL! What did you do with him?” demands Hoss. “Why is this citizen making a fuss?”, puzzles the Shaman. For a moment he stares back at Señor Hoss blankly.

3. The Snake Shaman explains it to Señor Hoss matter-of-fact-ly: “There was no Debbil. You imagined him.”

4. Señor Hoss isn’t buying. “I did not ‘imagine’ him”, he retorts. “It’s not possible. Everybody else saw him too. We got kicked out of the saloon together.”

5. The wise Snake Shaman points out an oft-overlooked fact- a telling attribute of ‘consensus realities’: “That’s a funny thing about delusions- they’re contagious.”

6. Señor Hsss interrupts: “What about ME? Am I still going to be going around peeing purple gold dust?”

7. The Shaman is nearly out of patience with this lot. He wiggles a beckoning forefinger at the Sombrero’d serpent. “HSSSY, C’mere.”

8. He puts it country-simple: “SNAKES DON’T PEE.”


Dogbad 25 – Back On The Street

The Snake Shaman invites the uninvited trio to leave.

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1. The Snake Shaman finally rises from his seat to firmly but politely explains to McKlaw, Señor Hoss and Señor Hsss that they must leave, and pronto.The three stand mute, like chasened children. “Now that’s settled”, the Shaman entreats, “will you all please exit quietly and allow me to find my friends so we can resume our card game?”

2. McKlaw and the two Señors retreat back onto the street. It is now dark, past ten o’clock. Kit is philosophical, as usual: “Maybe we should all just go along and enjoy ourselves… the evening’s still young.” “That’s easy for you to say”, grumbles Señor Hoss.

3. Hoss is mired in doubt about what it all means. “I still don’t get it. None of it adds up.” Señor Hsss feels happier, convinced that the mysterious sage has not only relieved their annoying condition, but imparted a deep life-lesson to them in the process. “He’s right though-” says Hsss emphatically, “the Shaman…”

4. “Snakes DON’T pee”, he warbles, eyes heavenward.

5. “Be that as it may”, interrupts McKlaw, “why don’t we just mosey on up and drink about it a while?” Kit alludes to the immediate proximity of the Dogbad Saloon, which is currently open for business as usual. “You got any money?”, asks Señor Hsss.

6. Kit reaches deep into his side vest-pocket, feeling something of weight inside. “I think so”, he replies.

7. McKlaw hefts something inside the pocket that he doesn’t remember putting there. He pulls it out and gazes at what he now has in his hand- a green glass pint liquor bottle with something inside that’s definitely not liquor! “What’s THIS?” he asks aloud.

8. The bottle lets off an eerie glow and feels uncomfortably warm to the touch. Corked there inside the bottle, peering back at the world into the eyes of the very same three undocumented cartoon characters who thought they’d seen the last of him, they see the crouching figure of Dipple-O-Doakus, the Debbil himself!


DOGBAD 26

At the bar in the Dogbad Saloon, Kit McKlaw, Señor Hoss and Señor Hsss consider their prospects.

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1. Señor Hoss sees the Debbil in the whiskey bottle and blows a fuse! The mere sight of the diabolic little guy drives him into a Hossy fit. Just when he thought he was finally relieved of his obnoxious presence!

2. They walk through the swinging doors into the Dogbad Saloon. Kit tries to calm Hoss. He throws his arm aroud Señor Hoss’ neck and smiles reassuringly: “Now, Hoss- Quit worryin’!”

3. They belly up to the bar. “Isn’t it better to have him corked up in this little bottle?” asks Kit. “I guess so…” replies Hoss, “better in your pocket than on my backside.”

4. McKlaw hoists a beer and assures Señor Hoss that there is no need for concern so long as they are careful with the Debbil in the bottle: “We’ll just keep an eye on him at all times.”

5. Señor Hsss injects a note of caution. “What if he gets out? What if the bottle breaks?”

6. It’s enough to chill Señor Hoss. “Don’t even THINK about it”, he asserts.

7. Señor Hsss, Señor Hoss and Kit McKlaw eye the pint-sized Debbil with a mixture of apprehension and fascination. Dipple O’Doakus can hear everything they say. He grins and poses inside the bottle. “He IS a cute little devil” observes Señor Hsss. “He’s a darlin’ devil- a DARLIN’ devil!”, agrees McKlaw.

8. “I know”, grumbles Hoss. “That’s the PROBLEM.”


34

Dogbad 34 – Meet Overton Cuspidore!

1.Señor Hsss and the tortoise confront each other. “What’s the big idea?”, demands the tortoise. Señor Hsss replies: “You took the words right out of my mouth!”

2.Hsss picks up his sombrero and goads the tortoise with cool detachment: “Sorry I spoiled your nap, Daddy-o!” The Tortoise is losing control.”NAP!?? You always barge into peoples’ office?”

3.”This is my OFFICE!” shouts the Tortoise. He is genuinely offended at what he considers an intrusion on his personal space.

4.”Office?” Señor Hsss and Señor Hoss look around in wonderment. The desert around them does not resemble any office either of them has ever seen.

5.The Tortoise brandishes a passport-sized identification document bearing his picture, name and place of employment: “Cuspidore, Overton. Goldmine Sacks Employee Number 9069408000.” “I’m a compliance officer at Goldmine-Sacks”, he brags.

6.”That’s WEIRD”, replies Señor Hsss. Cuspidore shoots back:”WEIRD? I have a stesdy job with a major Wall Street firm and I’m WEIRD?” He gestures behind with his thumb toward the assorted rocks and cacti and appears to address them:”HEY.FELLAS! I got a friggin’ snake in a sombrero, with a Fu Manchu mustache over here telling me what “weird” is!”

7.Like a Greek chorus in a bad peyote trip, the entire landscape animates to exclaim as one being:”WE ALL WORK FOR GOLDMINE SACKS!”

8.Señor Hsss opens his mouth as if to scream in protest, but nothing comes out. His voice box is frozen. Who ever heard a talking snake scream, anyway?


Dogbad 36 – Purple Pee!

Purple Pee

Dogbad 36 – Purple Pee!

1.Señor Hsss is staring from behind a boulder. He flicks his tongue as his snake eyes burn through you.”SSSSSSSSSSSSSS!”

2.Señor Hsss is grimacing and straining- streams of purple droplets spray the rock:”SSS…SSSS…SSS!”

3.Señor Hsss has finished peeing on the rock. He is disturbed by what he sees- his urine has turned a bright purple, flecked with gold!

4.He yells to Señor Hoss standing nearby. “HOSS- Lookee here!” Hoss: “I don’t want to look!” Hsss:”NO, listen! Every time I pee-”

5.Hoss interrupts: “YOU, PEE? Snakes pee?” He continues in a sarcastic tone of voice. “I never knew that. Thanks for sharing.” “NO” exclaims Señor Hsss, “Hossy, this is serious.”

6.Hssy continues,”Ever since we came off the mountain for the last couple of days I’ve been peeing PURPLE… with little gold flecks”. His concern is evident.

7.Señor Hoss stands silently regarding this development. Señor Hsss is worried- he looks up at Señor Hoss, hoping his equine friend will proffer some good solution.

8.Señor Hoss has a sudden Eureka: “Lets head for the ASSAY OFFICE!”


Dogbad 38 – Discus Ted is Disgusted: “You yeggs are outa here!”

Dogbad 38

DOGBAD 38 – Discus Ted is Disgusted: “You yeggs are outa here!”

1.”Discus” Ted is incensed at the noisy, raucus hubub whirling around poor Señor Hoss. He leaps up onto the bar and addresses the now bifurcated, beat-up equine. He doesn’t care that this uninvited crimson combatant, this Crimson Debbil has, in fact, unexpectedly sprouted out of the very body of his victim- to Ted they are just a couple of unruly customers, and for Hoss, it’s not his first offense. “That’s enough! You yeggs are outa here- I had all I’m gonna take a you bums!”

2.The Debbil and Señor Hoss regard Discus Ted in silence. Hoss is reeling from the blows he has received from that mean ol’ debbil.

3.Ted calls for Deputy Bucky Skank.”Dep-dee, take these bums where they can’t do no more harm.” Could Ted be referring to harmine, or harmaline, the reduced hydrated form of harmine? Harmaline and harmine both flouresce under ultraviolet light, and this property could account for the strangely bright colour scheme we’ve experienced over the past several panels. Does the landlord spike the beer with the stuff? If so, why, this whole episode may be oneirophrenic! How do you know, dear readers, that you are not dreaming? “With pleasure!” Bucky replies as he leads the two malefactors to the Dogbad hoosegow.

4.Confined in the dark and filthy gaol cell, Hoss tries to make relevant small talk with the debbil: “I don’t suppose you have any money, do you?” He knows what imprisonment is about. It’s a way for the gaolers and their financiers to get money for nothing.

5.Help is on the way. Word travels fast in small towns, and Kit McKlaw has been looking all over Dogbad for Hoss. Now he’s heard: Hoss is in Hoosegow-Hock for fighting with a strange-looking foreigner. McKlaw arrives at the gaol house to post bail for his Hoss. Kit doesn’t like Bucky Skank, and the feeling is mutual. Kit: “I hear you got my Hoss in here.”
Bucky: “Yup. That’ll be sixty dollars.”

6.Deputy Bucky continues: “Thirty dollars for your Hoss and thirty dollars for the Chink.” Hearing this makes Kit angry. He is being baited.

7.Kit is not about to take this kind of abuse from a dog: “Now, hold on there, Bucky! I never saw that feller before- and what’s that ‘chink’ business about, anyhow?” Bucky replies defensively: “Well, he don’t speak English. And he don’t look like no Injun, do he? He looks sort of… Early Rental.”

8.Kit throws gold money on the desk. He has no time for banter with a half-wit mutt. McKlaw has the last word: “Bucky, your gross ignorance and insensitivity are staggering, and may be compared only to your GREED-”


Dogbad 39

Dogbad 39

Dogbad 39 – The Devil’s Halitosis

1.Fresh out of gaol on sixty dollars bail, Hoss is happy to see his friend Kit McKlaw. He still has the devil on his back, however. McKlaw: “Feel like introducin’ me to your new partner, Hoss?” Hoss is not amused at the inference:”He’s not my partner! He just sort of grew on me-”

2.Hoss continues,”Then he started beatin’ on me with a club.” He turns to the demon:”Say, what do they call you?”

3.The debbil releases a torrent of halitosical apocrypha from the Sixth or Seventh book of Moses that nearly suffocates Hoss and Kit, who barely manage to remain conscious.

4.The stench of the debbil’s breath is overwhelming. Kit hurls hairballs, a baseball, an eightball, three goldfish, a tapeworm and other items. He clutches his stomach. Hoss gasps:”EGAD,Man! When was the last time you brushed your teeth?”

5.The debbil thinks for a moment before answering:”Hmm, let me think- About nine thousand years ago.” He’s lying. He’s never brushed his teeth.

6.The debbil further makes his point by expelling something more unpleasant. Kit McKlaw and Señor Hoss can hardly believe their eyes. This is a comic strip! It’s supposed to be “kid-friendly”. The Debbil is friendly to no-one, however. They’ve got to get rid of this guy!

7.”It wasn’t me!” explains Hoss. McKlaw knows it wasn’t. The debbil thumbs his nose at them. Kit looks down and sighs, “My Hoss is…occupied.”

8.Suddenly they look up to see a new establishment across the street. “Well, I’ll be…” says Kit. “The donkey’s mulberry!” continues Hoss. There, before them sits a clap-board house-remodeled store-front displaying an array of large painted signs. At the top of a ladder a dog dressed in a kind of monkey suit wielding a hammer affixes a sign that reads “PAY DAY LOANS”.


Dogbad 40

Dogbad 40

Dogbad 40 – The Psychic Veterinarian

1. Kit McKlaw takes Señor Hoss to see Psychic Veterinarian Dr P. T. Expensive, in hope that the doctor can separate Hoss from his unwanted visitor, the Debbil with bad breath.

2. Inside the doctor’s office, Kit, Hoss and the Debbil meet the nurse, who hands them each a clipboard. “We’ll need you to fill out your medical history… all three of you.” McKlaw looks up and asks, “Me?”

3. The Debbil looks over Hoss’s shoulder. Hoss and McKlaw scan the boilerplate medical history forms.”Responsible party?””Primary carrier?”

4. Nurse attempts to clarify the salient points. “Your insurance company, honey.””I’ll need to run your cards.”

5. Neither Señor Hoss or Kit McKlaw are following her: “Insurance?” “Cards?”

6. Suddenly Señor Hoss and Kit McKlaw find themselves out in the street. “Did she say anything about when we get to see the doctor?”, asks Hoss.

7. Meanwhile, Señor Hsss has been hiding under the porch of the Dogbad Saloon? “Weddie Goatoo?”, Discus Ted wonders aloud as he paces up and down searching for the fugitive reptile.

8. When Ted’s back is turned Señor Hsss races across the street to the Assay office.


Dogbad 15

Dogbad 41

Dogbad 41 – “If urinalysis, what’s that make me?”

1.The town’s Assayer Mister Wurlitzer has identified a high content of native gold in Señor Hsss’ urine sample (see episode 11). Señor Hsss suddenly appears in the Assay Office (fleeing from the searching eyes of Discus Ted), Mr Wurlitzer is at first startled, but quickly puts on a phony grin.

2.Out of breath, Señor Hsss attempts to regain his composure while re-introducing himself to Wurlitzer:”Hello, my name is Hsss- Rudolfo Hsss, and I left a sample here. It was a liquid sample, purple in color.”

3.Mister Wurlitzer: “Hello, my friend! I’ve been wondering what became of you. I’m sure you eager to learn the results of your tests. Unfortunately the results are inconclusive. As I feared, the sample you submitted was too small to determine. We must have a larger sample- MUCH larger. Do not despair- We can easily submit another sample. I am fully confident we can arrive at a range of results that are entirely satisfactory.There is no charge, you understand, no fee whatsoever. Our testing procedures are very accurate.”

4.Mister Wurlitzer shows Señor Hsss to an outdoor privy behind the building. “Please be my guest and take as long as you need. Your privacy is assured.”

5.He produces a huge ten-gallon jug for Señor Hsss to fill: “Just fill this up to the top, ring the bell when you’re finished, and I’ll come and collect the bottle.”

6.Just in case Señor Hsss isn’t getting the message, Mister Wurlitzer gently ushers him inside the outhouse…”Get IN there!”

7.Wurlitzer locks him in! “Take your time”, he mutters with a wicked grin.

8.Señor Hsss is locked inside the outhouse alone with the jug! What to do, what to do?