Posts Tagged ‘Snakes’


Dogbad 42

Locked in the Outhouse

Dogbad 42 –
“How am I going to get out of here?”

1.Señor Hsss has been locked in an outhouse by Mister Wurlitzer the Dogbad town Assayer. Mr Wurlitzer has identified a high content of native gold in Señor Hsss’ urine sample and he won’t let him out until he fills a ten-gallon jug with the precious fluid.

2.Señor Hsss looks for a way out. He sees the decorative moon-shaped hole cut in the upper door: “Looks like that little opening is the only way out”, he says to himself.

3.He looks back at one of the holes cut in the wooden seat, and the squadron of flies hovering above it: “Unless-” “NO- I’m not that desperate.” It’s not a difficult decision.

4.Hissy begins to try to work his way through the small opening in the door, nose first: “Here goes nuttin’- NNGH! ANGH! EYEHH… AF-! UF-!” It hurts.

5.He succeeds in squeezing his head through the little crescent hole, sombrero and all (not shown, of course), but can move no further. He panics. “GRAWWLG!” “I’M STUCK!” “Ennn!!” “Enn-!” “Eeenngg!” “Uhh…” Señor Hsss knows full well how rediculous he must look from the outside. He’s got to extricate himself before anybody sees him. What if Michael McClure were to walk by and hear him?

6.Señor Hsss pulls and tugs with all his might. Suddenly he crashes free with a loud “PUT!” and bounces his head painfully off the back wall of the privy.

7.He regards his nose, throbbing with pain and moulded into the shape of the wooden hole. “It’s no use.”, he sighs to no one in particular. Then he remembers, there is another possibility- the “third wall”!

8.Señor Hsss turns and faces you, the reader and earnestly appeals for help: “Can anyone out there reach the JPEG settings?”.

TAGS: alternative, animals, Animation, arizona, Cartoons, Catfish Rushdie, Charlie Sheen, Comics, Dogbad, drug testing, flying, Funny Animals, gold bullion, independent, original art, out house, outhouse, outhouses, pets, psychedelic, rattlesnakes, robert steinhilber, satire, señor Hsss, Snakes, the third wall, underground, urinalysis, web comic, Western


Dogbad 43

Trajectory is my middle name!

Dogbad 43 – “I must be higher than Charlie Sheen!”

1.Señor Hsss remains locked inside the outhouse (see episode 16). He’s tried everything he could to get out. There’s a small crescent-shaped air hole in the locked door. He’s much too large to fit through the hole in the door; he only hurt his nose when he tried. Suddenly Hsss conceives a desperate gambit: if he receives enough JPEG COMPRESSION, maybe, just maybe, hecan squeeze through that hole! He turns toward the readers: “Did you locate the jpeg settings? See where it says “IMAGE OPTIONS”- PULL IT TO THE LEFT TO ABOUT ’6′.

2.Señor Hsss gets compressed- he’s gone all fuzzy. “THERE- That’s more like it!”

3.”Here goes!” Hsss takes aim and leaps at the small sliver of blue shining through the hole. “P-P-H-P-P-H-PP-PP-H-T-T-t-T-t-T-T-t-t-t!!” He hits the door hard.

4.”NGNGN!! NNNN!” Señor Hsss has managed to squeeze about halfway through. “I- NEED- MORE- COMPRESSION!”

5.Hsss sags in exaustion: “OWwwLLrrRAaghhu….,” he moans,”It’s still not enough.” Again he appeals to someone, anyone who is reading this strip.”Take her down to ’1′.”

6.He pulls again with all his might. “POP”- Suddenly, he is sailing through the sky above the town!

7.Señor Hsss soars through the air above the town of Dogbad! “WHEE! Trajectory is my middle name! I must be higher than Charlie Sheen!”


44 – Look Out Below!

Senor Hsss is losing altitude

Dogbad 44 – Look Out Below!

1. “I’m losing altitude!” Señor Hsss says to himself, as he begins to fall from orbit. Having popped through the hole in the outhouse door with all the force of his serpentine mucles (snakes are strong!), he propelled himself, projected high above the town of Dogbad. It’s a magnificent view, while it lasts.

2. There below, in the dirt and dust of Dogbad High Street, Señor Hoss, the Debbil and Kit McKlaw stare amazed as their scaly friend rapidly approaches from above. Señor Hsss gives a polite warning: “”Lookout below!”

3. Predictably, Señor Hsss crashes to earth with a large Don-Martinese sound: “THOOONT!”

4. “Just call me ‘Tory'”, quips the compressed Hssster. If Trajectory is his middle name, he’s a tragic Tory in a Majick Story.

5. Suddenly, a heavy wheeled object ZOOMs past, mussing everyone’s fur, scales,and stubble.

6. “WHAT the DUESENBERG was THAT?”, they ask. They are taken by surprise, but they got the ‘make’ right. Amidst wind, dust and fumes a 1930 Duesenberg speeds down the High Street toward the newly-expended and expanded Golden Derivative Guaranteed Safe Gulag Gambling casino. Neither Hsss, nor Hoss nor McKlaw has ever set foot in this notorious establishment. As for mesure le Diable, they wouldn’t hazard to guess.

7. Stopping in front of the main entrance we see the dapper figure of the Snake Shaman stepping out with his date, the glamorous Miss Condomleeza Cobra.

8. The quartet stand mute for a moment before they recognise the Snake Shaman. Señor Hsss is lost for words. “It’s the Shaman!”, exclaims Kit. “What’s he doing THERE?”, wonders Hoss. Perhaps we’ll find out…


45

Dogbad 45

Dogbad 45 – Meet Mister Duckbutter

1. Señor Hsss is rattling with excitement over the unexpected sight of his serpent-guru, the Snake Shaman. “We’ve got to see the Shaman- He’ll help us! He knoes EVERYTHING!” “Oh, really?”, replies Kit McKlaw. Kit’s not so sure. He’s had dealings with the Shaman once before, and regards him as little more than a cranky old fool who’s spent too much time in the sun. Hoss is ambivalent, and looks askance. The Debbil just looks.

2. Señor Hoss speaks his equine mind: “I do not share your abiding faith in that shaggy shamanist, my serpent friend, but I’m game for anything if it will remove this unsightly blemish.” He points his hoof at the execrable attachment on his back, and the Debbil responds with a razzle-berry in Hoss’s direction. How could an entity so old act so immature?

3. The contradistinctive quartet approaches the front entrance to the Golden Derivative Guarenteed Safe Gambling Casino. The polished, oversized double doors are guarded by a thin, over-dressed doorman. An obnoxiously obsequious creature, one Mister Herschel Duckbutter, snaps to attention and robotically dribbles out what is perhaps the slimiest expression in contemporary language: “May I help you?” “Yes-” replies Señor Hsss, “We’re meeting someone” continues Hoss, “Inside” finishes McKlaw.

4. Mister Duckbutter gleefully recites his well-rehearsed, opprobrious address: “I’m terribly sorry, sirs- we DO have a dress code for the gentlemen. Please feel free to visit our website for full details.”

5. Our boys do not resond well to this approach. “Why that prissy little high-toned jimcrack-!” seethes Hsss. “I’d like to stomp his girlfriend’s pet gerbil. We’re ten times badder than this phony fag bar.” “Cool your scales, Hissy-” replies Kit, “we’ll show ’em OUR dress code.” McKlaw has no time for gerbils. Neither of them have a moment to waste trying to imagine what a Duckbutter’s girlfriend would look like, if he had one.

6. Kit and Hsss step around back of the building where a steady traffic of workers and over-loaded linen trolleys move in and out of the hotel’s steamy laundry complex. “There are other ways to gain entry” notes Kit McKlaw.

7. Inside the casino, upstairs, a dangerous looking pair of serpent gunsels guards the door of a private room, in which a high-stakes poker game is about to be underway.

8. At the head of the table sits the smiling Snake Shaman, his girl on his arm as he proffers a fresh deck of cards to his off-camera opponent: “Here- you deal.”