Posts Tagged ‘gangsters’


Dogbad 21 – Farced Entry

Kit McKlaw and Señor Hsss sneak in through the laundry chute!

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1. Kit McKlaw and Señor Hsss are searching for a way to reach the Snake Shaman. They know he’s somewhere inside the Golden Derivative Guaranteed Safe Gambling Casino, and they must talk to him! That obnoxious doorman Mr Duckbutter has barred them from entry, so they will find their way by sneaking ’round the back. Deep within the bowels of the casino’s hotel laundry complex, Kit and Señor Hsss secret themselves inside an industrial-sized load of foul-smelling, badly-soiled linens.

2. Kit locates the laundry chute. He struggles up the chute several floors and strains to squeeze himself through the opening. He’s not sure what floor he’s on.

3. Señor Hsss slithers up the cramped passage, following close behind his feline companion. Kit observes some activity at the far end of the hall: “That must be where he is!” he points it out to Señor Hsss.

4. McKlaw and Hsss survey the far end of the hall. Guarding a dark, heavy oaken door stand two bored-looking gangster-snakes. The door is emblazoned with a small rectangle of brass, engraved with the word PRIVATE.”The Shaman must be in there”, Kit whispers to Señor Hsss, “but how are we going to get past those two?”

5. “KRACKKK!” “RUMBLE!” “CRASH!” Suddenly, bits of plaster, dust and splinters fly. From behind, an explosion of noise puts an end to Kit’s and Hsss’nervous whispering.

6. Stunned with disbelief, Kit and Hsss behold Señor Hoss, Debbil attached, staggering from out a gaping cavity in the wall where the laundry chute used to be. McKlaw moans out his disbelief: “OH, NO! How did…” “We followed you!”, explains Señor Hoss proudly.

7. Having heard the commotion, the two gangster-snakes calmly face down our friends. “Well, well, what have we here?” cracks the diamondback from under his powder-blue Stetson. “You gay cats wouldn’t be trying to sneak up on us, would you?” The other gangster, a silent green cobra in a cadet-grey spy-vs-spy hat, flicks his tongue about menacingly as he looks on through heavily-lidded eyes.

8. Suddenly, a flash of brilliant emerald illumination overwhelms the group, drowning walls, carpet and ceiling with supernatural green light. All eyes fix upon the crimson Debbil. With a Mephistophilean twinkle in his eyes, out of the very ethers he has produced a matched pair of shining golden horns! Will the Debbil play us a tune?


Dogbad 22 – The Debbil’s Music

The Debbil blows snakes to sleep in the hotel hall…

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1. The Debbil whips out his golden pipes and blows with all his cunning! His Mephistophilean melodies are particularly purposed to appeal to the siesta-instincts of the serpentinian Central Nervous System.

2. The two gangster-snakes swoon and drop like real estate prices. Kit and the Debbil calmly regard the sleeping serpents. It does not appear they will regain conciousness any time soon.

3. Not everyone grooves to the Debbil’s music, though. Señor Hsss has stuffed his rattle in his ears lest he succumb to the soporific sonorities of this infernal brass section. “Is it over?, he asks, grimacing. “Yes”, McKlaw assures him.

4. The Debbil and Hoss, Hsss and McKlaw brace for Kit to bust down the door. “Stand Back- we’re going in!”

5. Meanwhile, inside the private room, Daring Daylight dominates the game. One by one the players have folded, leaving only the Snake Shaman to match wits with the baddest card strategist of her generation. “Ok, Shaman, what you got?” she asks languidly.

6. The Shaman displays his hand with a bold mesmeric glare: “I’ve got FOUR ACES!”

7. Daring Daylight faces him down with all the focused resolution of a cross Macedonian Phalanx: “SAAAAAAY! You ain’t playing on the square, Shaman! THAT ain’t the hand I dealt ya!”

8. Before he can reply, the Snake Shaman finds himself face-to-face with a loaded, blue steel Winchester Glock Beretta Smith & Wesson Colt .45 revolver! This old man does not like them apples. Daylight calmly commands him: “Say your prayers, Shaman”. The cartoonist silently wonders to himself: “Is there such a thing as too much ‘product-placement’?”


Dogbad 23 – What Devil?

Kit, Hoss, the Debbil and Hsss crash the game and confront the Snake Shaman.

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1. Suddenly and without warning, Kit McKlaw, Señor Hsss, Señor Hoss and the Debbil smash down the door of the private room. The partiers flee in panic.

2. As the room quickly empties, Kit draws a pair of revolvers. “Pardon us- we’re here to speak with Mister Snake Shaman.” He stands audacious- flanked by Señor Hsss, Señor Hoss and the Debbil- facing the room’s two remaining occupants- the seated Snake Shaman and his concomitant serpentess Ms Condomleeza Cobra. McKlaw continues,”We need to converse in private.” “Any objections?” adds his pistol.

3. With the last guest out the door, our friends can let down their bluff. “Shaman Sahib, please help us”, pleads Señor Hsss. McKlaw continues, “It’s my Hoss”; “We’ve been spooked” whinnies Señor Hoss.

4. “Na, DAG-NAB-it!” exclaims the cross Shaman. “What is your major malfunction? Can’t you crybabies mind your own bizness and let me mind mine?” He remains seated, and does not offer a chair to anyone. Manners hardly matter at this juncture- all the furniture save his own seat is strewn in bits and splinters around the room.

5. Señor Hoss steps forward. “It’s this Debbil on my butt, I can’t get rid of him! He’s beating me up!” Mister Snake Shaman looks down impassively.

6. Miss Cobra looks up at the Snake Shaman as he disctacts himself by catching flies. At length he replies with a question to Hoss: “What Devil?”

7. Señor Hoss snaps back at the Shaman: “What do you mean, “What Devil?” -This devil right here growing out of my butt! -That’s what devil! Are you BLIND?” Hoss continue pointing to his posterior without glancing back to see the Debbil has suddenly removed himself. What the devil is going on?

8. Hoss turns his attention to his own backside and is momentarily rendered speechless wirth surprise. “Bup, buh, he’s GONE!” The Snake Shaman remains sitting, Ms Cobra silent by his side. Señor Hsss looks on, himself puzzled.


Dogbad 24 – Snakes Don’t Pee

The Debbil has disappeared suddenly, and the Snake Shaman explains the Situation.

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1. Señor Hoss is beside himself with confusion- suddenly the Debbil is nowhere to be seen. He should be grateful enough to not ask any questions, but he puts it to the Snake Shaman: “What did you do? Where is he?” The Shaman is hugely amused at Hoss’s consternation. He rolls about in his chair guffawing his peculiar Shaman’s laugh: “HARKA HUK-HUK!, HORP-HORP!” “DO WHAT? What do you MEAN?”, he replies disingenuously.

2. “THE DEBBIL! What did you do with him?” demands Hoss. “Why is this citizen making a fuss?”, puzzles the Shaman. For a moment he stares back at Señor Hoss blankly.

3. The Snake Shaman explains it to Señor Hoss matter-of-fact-ly: “There was no Debbil. You imagined him.”

4. Señor Hoss isn’t buying. “I did not ‘imagine’ him”, he retorts. “It’s not possible. Everybody else saw him too. We got kicked out of the saloon together.”

5. The wise Snake Shaman points out an oft-overlooked fact- a telling attribute of ‘consensus realities’: “That’s a funny thing about delusions- they’re contagious.”

6. Señor Hsss interrupts: “What about ME? Am I still going to be going around peeing purple gold dust?”

7. The Shaman is nearly out of patience with this lot. He wiggles a beckoning forefinger at the Sombrero’d serpent. “HSSSY, C’mere.”

8. He puts it country-simple: “SNAKES DON’T PEE.”


Dogbad 25 – Back On The Street

The Snake Shaman invites the uninvited trio to leave.

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1. The Snake Shaman finally rises from his seat to firmly but politely explains to McKlaw, Señor Hoss and Señor Hsss that they must leave, and pronto.The three stand mute, like chasened children. “Now that’s settled”, the Shaman entreats, “will you all please exit quietly and allow me to find my friends so we can resume our card game?”

2. McKlaw and the two Señors retreat back onto the street. It is now dark, past ten o’clock. Kit is philosophical, as usual: “Maybe we should all just go along and enjoy ourselves… the evening’s still young.” “That’s easy for you to say”, grumbles Señor Hoss.

3. Hoss is mired in doubt about what it all means. “I still don’t get it. None of it adds up.” Señor Hsss feels happier, convinced that the mysterious sage has not only relieved their annoying condition, but imparted a deep life-lesson to them in the process. “He’s right though-” says Hsss emphatically, “the Shaman…”

4. “Snakes DON’T pee”, he warbles, eyes heavenward.

5. “Be that as it may”, interrupts McKlaw, “why don’t we just mosey on up and drink about it a while?” Kit alludes to the immediate proximity of the Dogbad Saloon, which is currently open for business as usual. “You got any money?”, asks Señor Hsss.

6. Kit reaches deep into his side vest-pocket, feeling something of weight inside. “I think so”, he replies.

7. McKlaw hefts something inside the pocket that he doesn’t remember putting there. He pulls it out and gazes at what he now has in his hand- a green glass pint liquor bottle with something inside that’s definitely not liquor! “What’s THIS?” he asks aloud.

8. The bottle lets off an eerie glow and feels uncomfortably warm to the touch. Corked there inside the bottle, peering back at the world into the eyes of the very same three undocumented cartoon characters who thought they’d seen the last of him, they see the crouching figure of Dipple-O-Doakus, the Debbil himself!