Posts Tagged ‘Discus Ted’


DOGBAD 29 – A Reptile Of Interest

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1.Senor Hoss and Senor Hsss while away the workday drinking in the Dogbad Saloon. Senor Hoss has imbibed to the point where he feels comfortable enough to pose a question that has been bothering his fine equine mind: “Senor Hsss, ken I ask you a personal question?” Senor Hsss: “Shoot.”

2.Senor Hoss take this literally and, out of thin air, produces his faithful blunderbus (named WOOLY BULLY). In a nano-instant he has squeezed Wooly Bully’s trigger and Wooly Bully exclaims:”BLAM!”

3.The concussion sent Senor Hsss’ sombrero spinning as he ducked to avoid the shot. Sr Hsss glares at Senor Hoss:”I speckted you’d do that. “Sr Hoss laughs: “I speckted you would!”

4.Sr Hsss recovers his composure and re-arranges his sombrero. Sr Hsss: “Go ahead- ask your question.”

5.Senor Hoss puts it blunt: “What’s up with that new cult you joined?”

6.Senor Hsss blows it top at this: “CULT?” “Do you refer to the SOCRATIC CIRCLE of the SNAKE SHAMAN?”

7.Senor Hsss is so digusted with Senor Hoss’ characterization of his club as a “cult”, his first instinct is to display an air of pretentious arrogance, and faux-sympathetic patrionization: “Pas du tout! I am sorry for you my friend. Really, I am. I see now that your peculiarly personal species of gross philistine ignorance stems from depths even darker than I had imagined.”

8.Senor Hsss explains it all to Senor Hoss: “The Socratic Circle of the Snake Shaman (may the hierarchy of saurian evolution exhalt his stature) is not in any sense a “cult”, no, no, not in any sense whatsoever-” “…for your information we are, in fact, an officially designated Terrorist Organization!”


DOGBAD 30- Bouncing Out Of Dogbad

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1. Interior: Dogbad Saloon in the late afternoon. Here we meet the Saloon Landlord, former Olympian bronze medallist Theodore Simon Alvin David “Discus Ted” O’Neil. Discus Ted wastes no words in simultaneously describing his mood and his moniker: “I am Discus Ted. You are scaring my patrons.” These remarks are directed on the endeaffened ears of Señors Hsss and Hoss, who have lowered their consciousness by toasting and drinking each other into a solemn stupor.
2. Having partook Discus Ted’s micro-brewing, Hsss & Hoss experience his macro-bouncing. This isn’t the first time he’s drop-kicked them both out, and it won’t likely be the last.
3. Refuse is hurled to underline the point.
4. Hsss & Hoss consider the awakening a coarse one. Hsss: “Talk about non grata!” Hoss: “How, very, very rude!”
5. Señor Hsss examines his soiled and crushed sombrero. He sees right away it will require expensive re-blocking. What an inconvenience! He may have to send it abroad. What will he wear? It’s the only hat he’s got. Señor Hoss asks: “Where to now?” It’s getting late.
6. It doesn’t take Hsssy long to think of a plan: “Less goap the mountain and wash the sun sit!”
7. Hoss thinks this is a Boney Day and says so. Pleased with his idea, Señor Hsss congratulates himself: “Farm Edible!”
8. The sum is sitting in the distant maghreb, but it may as well sit right on top of Señors Hsss and Hoss as they pass beyond the town’s outer limits. If they notice the notice posted by Dogbad Sheriff D D Divtag, we don’t notice: “DON’T LET THE SUN SET ON YOU HERE, REPTILE.”