Posts Tagged ‘American West’


The Snake Shaman

VIEW IT AS A SLIDE SHOW!

1.The dasht- we call it the desert. High in a remote mountainous region, known to us crackers only as an enormous blank area on our maps, a lone figure slowly makes his way across the horizon.
2.From out of the purple mountains’ majesty comes the Snake Shaman. Nobody knows the Shaman’s real name. He won’t tell. Only the snakes know his name, and they know the Snake Shaman better than anybody.
3.When the Snake Shaman beckons the snakes follow. These noble reptiles have vowed to follow the Snake Shaman wherever he leads them.
4.When Shaman goes to town, the snakes all follow him.
5.When the Shaman goes to town, the snakes all follow him. The townies are not amused. The rodents worry.
6.These townies might be amused however: Loafing on the porch in front of the Dogbad Saloon, it’s the handsome (if a bit slovenly) outlaw Kit McKlaw, and his sidekick Suicide Cat.
7.Kit McKlaw asks his pal Suicide if he’s ever seen this stranger.
8.Suicide Cat blinks in the mid-day glare. His eyes are unsteady, but he’s sure he’s never seen this strange fellow before.


Drop-Kicked Out Of Dogbad

VIEW IT LARGE!

1. Interior: Dogbad Saloon in the late afternoon.
Here we meet the Saloon Landlord, former Olympian bronze medalist
Theodore Simon Alvin David “Discus Ted” O’Neil. Discus Ted wastes
no words in simultaneously describing his mood and his moniker:
“I am Discus Ted. You are scaring my patrons.” These remarks are
directed on the endeaffened ears of Señors Hsss and Hoss, who have
lowered their consciousness by toasting and drinking each other
into a solemn stupor.
2. Having partook Discus Ted’s micro-brewing, Hsss & Hoss
experience his macro-bouncing. This isn’t the first time he’s
drop-kicked them both out, and it won’t likely be the last.
3. Refuse is hurled to underline the point.
4. Hsss & Hoss consider the awakening a coarse one.
Hsss: “Talk about non grata!” Hoss: “How, very, very rude!”
5. Señor Hsss examines his soiled and crushed sombrero.
He sees right away it will require expensive re-blocking.
What an inconvenience! He may have to send it abroad.
What will he wear? It’s the only hat he’s got.
Señor Hoss asks: “Where to now?” It’s getting late.
6. It doesn’t take Hsssy long to think of a plan:
“Less goap the mountain and wash the sun sit!”
7. Hoss thinks this is a Boney Day and says so. Pleased with
his idea, Señor Hsss congratulates himself: “Farm Edible!”
8. The sum is sitting in the distant maghreb, but it may as well
sit right on top of Señors Hsss and Hoss as they pass beyond
the town’s outer limits. If they notice the notice posted by Dogbad
Sheriff D D Divtag, we don’t notice:
“DON’T LET THE SUN SET ON YOU HERE, REPTILE.”


Dogbad 36 – Purple Pee!

Purple Pee

Dogbad 36 – Purple Pee!

1.Señor Hsss is staring from behind a boulder. He flicks his tongue as his snake eyes burn through you.”SSSSSSSSSSSSSS!”

2.Señor Hsss is grimacing and straining- streams of purple droplets spray the rock:”SSS…SSSS…SSS!”

3.Señor Hsss has finished peeing on the rock. He is disturbed by what he sees- his urine has turned a bright purple, flecked with gold!

4.He yells to Señor Hoss standing nearby. “HOSS- Lookee here!” Hoss: “I don’t want to look!” Hsss:”NO, listen! Every time I pee-”

5.Hoss interrupts: “YOU, PEE? Snakes pee?” He continues in a sarcastic tone of voice. “I never knew that. Thanks for sharing.” “NO” exclaims Señor Hsss, “Hossy, this is serious.”

6.Hssy continues,”Ever since we came off the mountain for the last couple of days I’ve been peeing PURPLE… with little gold flecks”. His concern is evident.

7.Señor Hoss stands silently regarding this development. Señor Hsss is worried- he looks up at Señor Hoss, hoping his equine friend will proffer some good solution.

8.Señor Hoss has a sudden Eureka: “Lets head for the ASSAY OFFICE!”


Dogbad 51- Au Revoir, Mr Snake Shaman

Au Revoir, Mr Snake Shaman

Dogbad 51 – The Snake Shaman kicks our friends out onto The Street

1. The Snake Shaman finally rises from his seat to firmly but politely explains to McKlaw, Señor Hoss and Señor Hsss that they must leave, and pronto.The three stand mute, like chasened children. “Now that’s settled”, the Shaman entreats, “will you all please exit quietly and allow mw to find my friends so we can resume our card game?”

2. McKlaw and the two Señors retreat back onto the street. It is now dark, past ten o’clock. Kit is philosophical, as usual: “Maybe we should all just go along and enjoy ourselves… the evening’s still young.” “That’s easy for you to say”, grumbles Señor Hoss.

3. Hoss is mired in doubt about what it all means. “I still don’t get it. None of it adds up.” Señor Hsss feels happier, convinced that the mysterious sage has not only relieved their annoying condition, but imparted a deep life-lesson to them in the process. “He’s right though-” says Hiss emphatically, “the Shaman…”

4. “Snakes DON’T pee”, he warbles, eyes heavenward.

5. “Be that as it may”, interrupts McKlaw, “why don’t we just mosey on up and drink about it a while?” Kit alludes to the immediate proximity of the Dogbad Saloon, which is currently open for business as usual. “You got any money?”, asks Señor Hsss.

6. Kit reaches deep into his side vest-pocket, feeling something of weight inside. “I think so”, he replies.

7. McKlaw hefts something inside the pocket that he doesn’t remember putting there. He pulls it out and gazes at what he now has in his hand- a green glass pint liquor bottle with something inside that’s definitely not liquor! “What’s THIS?” he asks aloud.

8. The bottle lets off an eerie glow and feels uncomfortably warm to the touch. Corked there inside the bottle, peering back at the world into the eyes of the very same three undocumented cartoon characters who thought they’d seen the last of him, they see the crouching figure of Dipple-O-Doakus, the Debbil himself!