Archive for March, 2012


Dogbad 14

Dr P. T. Expensive, Psychic Veterinarian

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1. Kit McKlaw takes Señor Hoss to see Psychic Veterinarian Dr P. T. Expensive, in hope that the doctor can separate Hoss from his unwanted visitor, the Debbil with bad breath.

2. Inside the doctor’s office, Kit, Hoss and the Debbil meet the nurse, who hands them each a clipboard. “We’ll need you to fill out your medical history… all three of you.” McKlaw looks up and asks, “Me?”

3. The Debbil looks over Hoss’s shoulder. Hoss and McKlaw scan the boilerplate medical history forms.”Responsible party?”"Primary carrier?”

4. Nurse attempts to clarify the salient points. “Your insurance company, honey.”"I’ll need to run your cards.”

5. Neither Señor Hoss or Kit McKlaw are following her: “Insurance?” “Cards?”

6. Suddenly Señor Hoss and Kit McKlaw find themselves out in the street. “Did she say anything about when we get to see the doctor?”, asks Hoss.

7. Meanwhile, Señor Hsss has been hiding under the porch of the Dogbad Saloon? “Weddie Goatoo?”, Discus Ted wonders aloud as he paces up and down searching for the fugitive reptile.

8. When Ted’s back is turned Señor Hsss races across the street to the Assay office.


Dogbad 15 “If urinalysis, what’s that make me?”

Mr Wurlitzer the assayer locks Señor Hsss in an outhouse, in a sinister plot to capitalize on his gold water.

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1.The town’s Assayer Mister Wurlitzer has identified a high content of native gold in Señor Hsss’ urine sample (see episode 11). Señor Hsss suddenly appears in the Assay Office (fleeing from the searching eyes of Discus Ted), Mr Wurlitzer is at first startled, but quickly puts on a phony grin.

2.Out of breath, Señor Hsss attempts to regain his composure while re-introducing himself to Wurlitzer:”Hello, my name is Hsss- Rudolfo Hsss, and I left a sample here. It was a liquid sample, purple in color.”

3.Mister Wurlitzer: “Hello, my friend! I’ve been wondering what became of you. I’m sure you eager to learn the results of your tests. Unfortunately the results are inconclusive. As I feared, the sample you submitted was too small to determine. We must have a larger sample- MUCH larger. Do not despair- We can easily submit another sample. I am fully confident we can arrive at a range of results that are entirely satisfactory.There is no charge, you understand, no fee whatsoever. Our testing procedures are very accurate.”

4.Mister Wurlitzer shows Señor Hsss to an outdoor privy behind the building. “Please be my guest and take as long as you need. Your privacy is assured.”

5.He produces a huge ten-gallon jug for Señor Hsss to fill: “Just fill this up to the top, ring the bell when you’re finished, and I’ll come and collect the bottle.”

6.Just in case Señor Hsss isn’t getting the message, Mister Wurlitzer gently ushers him inside the outhouse…”Get IN there!”

7.Wurlitzer locks him in! “Take your time”, he mutters with a wicked grin.

8.Señor Hsss is locked inside the outhouse alone with the jug! What to do, what to do?


Dogbad 16 “How am I going to get out of here?”

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1.Señor Hsss has been locked in an outhouse by Mister Wurlitzer the Dogbad town Assayer.Mr Wurlitzer has identified a high content of native gold in Señor Hsss’ urine sample and he won’t let him out until he fills a ten-gallon jug with the precious fluid.

2.Señor Hsss looks for a way out. He sees the decorative moon-shaped hole cut in the upper door: “Looks like that little opening is the only way out”, he says to himself.

3.He looks back at one of the holes cut in the wooden seat, and the squadron of flies hovering above it: “Unless-” “NO- I’m not that desperate.” It’s not a difficult decision.

4.Hissy begins to try to work his way through the small opening in the door, nose first: “Here goes nuttin’- NNGH! ANGH! EYEHH… AF-! UF-!” It hurts.

5.He succeeds in squeezing his head through the little crescent hole, sombrero and all (not shown, of course), but can move no further. He panics. “GRAWWLG!” “I’M STUCK!” “Ennn!!” “Enn-!” “Eeenngg!” “Uhh…” Señor Hsss knows full well how rediculous he must look from the outside. He’s got to extricate himself before anybody sees him. What if Michael McClure were to walk by and hear him?

6.Señor Hsss pulls and tugs with all his might. Suddenly he crashes free with a loud “PUT!” and bounces his head painfully off the back wall of the privy.

7.He regards his nose, throbbing with pain and moulded into the shape of the wooden hole. “It’s no use.”, he sighs to no one in particular. Then he remembers, there is another possibility- the “third wall”!

8.Señor Hsss turns and faces you, the reader and earnestly appeals for help: “Can anyone out there reach the JPEG settings?”.