Archive for January, 2012


Hot Snow

VIEW IT LARGE!

1.Señor Hoss is shaking Señor Hsss. “Señor Hsss! Wake up! It’s time!”Hsss is unknowingly dragged kicking and screaming from his nightmare of Goldmine Sacks.”MAL DIEU! What a horrible dream!”

2.As Señor Hsss emerges from the hypnogogic world he sees that the two of them are standing on a redrock cliff,overlooking a gigantic peaceful valley.”I don’t see amything” says Hsss.”Amy minnit now…” replies Hosss. It is past midnight, just before the first black thread of dawn.

3.WHOOOOMB! The peace of the valley is suddenly reduced to sub atomic particles.

4.Blinded by the unimaginably bright flash, the pair’s eyes gradually regain function- they see a burning orange bright mushroom cloud growing from the opposite side of the valley. “I’ll be the donkey’s mulberry!” Stutters Hoss. “Chup Bash!” spits Señor Hsss.

5.Hoss and Hss both feel an unfamiliar warm sensation on their skins. The discover a shower of micro-fine white particulate matter descending from the first heaven. “Is it snowing?” asks Señor Hoss, “There can’t be that much dandruff in the air!”

6.Señor Hsss catches some of the stuff on his tongue. It burns. “HOT SNOW?”, he asks aloud.

7.Señor Hsss wants none of it. “Let’s go hine!” he insists. Señor Hoss does not even consider it- he looks down at Señor Hoss, arguing: “WHAT! We came all this way, missed the sunset, didn’t see the sunrise, and now you want to go HOME?”

8.”Sob the sum rise” says Señor Hsss. “I’m goim’ hone.” It is not clear if he is transposing his consonants intetionally, or if he is displaying the effects of radiation sickness.He paraphrases an old song: “You want to see the sum rise? Just sit there and stare. “In the foreground, a red-complexioned stranger surveys our scene.


Purple Pee

On their way home from the mountains Senor Hsss has to urinate…every five minutes! As if that weren’t bad enough, he’s not just peeing, he’s peeing purple, with little gold flecks. Senor Hoss is markedly unsympathetic.

VIEW IT LARGE!

1.Senor Hsss is staring from behind a boulder. He flicks his tongue as his snake eyes burn through you.
“SSSSSSSSSSSSSS!”

2.Senor Hsss is grimacing and straining- streams of purple droplets spray the rock:
“SSS…SSSS…SSS!”

3.Senor Hsss has finished peeing on the rock. He is disturbed by what he sees- his urine has turned a bright purple, flecked with gold!

4.He yells to Senor Hoss standing nearby. “HOSS- Lookee here!” Hoss: “I don’t want to look!” Hsss:”NO, listen! Every time I pee-”

5.Hoss interrupts: “YOU, PEE? Snakes pee?” He continues in a sarcastic tone of voice. “I never knew that. Thanks for sharing.” “NO” exclaims Senor Hsss, “Hossy, this is serious.”

6.Hssy continues,”Ever since we came off the mountain for the last couple of days I’ve been peeing PURPLE… with little gold flecks”.
His concern is evident.

7.Senor Hoss stands silently regarding this development. Senor Hsss is worried- he looks up at Senor Hoss,
hoping his equine friend will proffer some good solution.

8.Senor Hoss has a sudden Eureka: “Lets head for the ASSAY OFFICE!”