January 26th, 2012
On their way home from the mountains Senor Hsss has to urinate…every five minutes! As if that weren’t bad enough, he’s not just peeing, he’s peeing purple, with little gold flecks. Senor Hoss is markedly unsympathetic.
1.Senor Hsss is staring from behind a boulder. He flicks his tongue as his snake eyes burn through you.
“SSSSSSSSSSSSSS!”
2.Senor Hsss is grimacing and straining- streams of purple droplets spray the rock:
“SSS…SSSS…SSS!”
3.Senor Hsss has finished peeing on the rock. He is disturbed by what he sees- his urine has turned a bright purple, flecked with gold!
4.He yells to Senor Hoss standing nearby. “HOSS- Lookee here!” Hoss: “I don’t want to look!” Hsss:”NO, listen! Every time I pee-”
5.Hoss interrupts: “YOU, PEE? Snakes pee?” He continues in a sarcastic tone of voice. “I never knew that. Thanks for sharing.” “NO” exclaims Senor Hsss, “Hossy, this is serious.”
6.Hssy continues,”Ever since we came off the mountain for the last couple of days I’ve been peeing PURPLE… with little gold flecks”.
His concern is evident.
7.Senor Hoss stands silently regarding this development. Senor Hsss is worried- he looks up at Senor Hoss,
hoping his equine friend will proffer some good solution.
8.Senor Hoss has a sudden Eureka: “Lets head for the ASSAY OFFICE!”
January 26th, 2012
On their way home from the mountains Senor Hsss has to urinate…every five minutes! As if that weren’t bad enough, he’s not just peeing, he’s peeing purple, with little gold flecks. Senor Hoss is markedly unsympathetic.
1.Senor Hsss is staring from behind a boulder. He flicks his tongue as his snake eyes burn through you.
“SSSSSSSSSSSSSS!”
2.Senor Hsss is grimacing and straining- streams of purple droplets spray the rock:
“SSS…SSSS…SSS!”
3.Senor Hsss has finished peeing on the rock. He is disturbed by what he sees- his urine has turned a bright purple, flecked with gold!
4.He yells to Senor Hoss standing nearby. “HOSS- Lookee here!” Hoss: “I don’t want to look!” Hsss:”NO, listen! Every time I pee-”
5.Hoss interrupts: “YOU, PEE? Snakes pee?” He continues in a sarcastic tone of voice. “I never knew that. Thanks for sharing.” “NO” exclaims Senor Hsss, “Hossy, this is serious.”
6.Hssy continues,”Ever since we came off the mountain for the last couple of days I’ve been peeing PURPLE… with little gold flecks”.
His concern is evident.
7.Senor Hoss stands silently regarding this development. Senor Hsss is worried- he looks up at Senor Hoss,
hoping his equine friend will proffer some good solution.
8.Senor Hoss has a sudden Eureka: “Lets head for the ASSAY OFFICE!”
January 11th, 2012
1.Señor Hoss is shaking Señor Hsss. “Señor Hsss! Wake up! It’s time!”Hsss is unknowingly dragged kicking and screaming from his nightmare of Goldmine Sacks.”MAL DIEU! What a horrible dream!”
2.As Señor Hsss emerges from the hypnogogic world he sees that the two of them are standing on a redrock cliff,overlooking a gigantic peaceful valley.”I don’t see amything” says Hsss.”Amy minnit now…” replies Hosss. It is past midnight, just before the first black thread of dawn.
3.WHOOOOMB! The peace of the valley is suddenly reduced to sub atomic particles.
4.Blinded by the unimaginably bright flash, the pair’s eyes gradually regain function- they see a burning orange bright mushroom cloud growing from the opposite side of the valley. “I’ll be the donkey’s mulberry!” Stutters Hoss. “Chup Bash!” spits Señor Hsss.
5.Hoss and Hss both feel an unfamiliar warm sensation on their skins. The discover a shower of micro-fine white particulate matter descending from the first heaven. “Is it snowing?” asks Señor Hoss, “There can’t be that much dandruff in the air!”
6.Señor Hsss catches some of the stuff on his tongue. It burns. “HOT SNOW?”, he asks aloud.
7.Señor Hsss wants none of it. “Let’s go hine!” he insists. Señor Hoss does not even consider it- he looks down at Señor Hoss, arguing: “WHAT! We came all this way, missed the sunset, didn’t see the sunrise, and now you want to go HOME?”
8.”Sob the sum rise” says Señor Hsss. “I’m goim’ hone.” It is not clear if he is transposing his consonants intetionally, or if he is displaying the effects of radiation sickness.He paraphrases an old song: “You want to see the sum rise? Just sit there and stare. “In the foreground, a red-complexioned stranger surveys our scene.
December 26th, 2011
Señor Hsss confronts an obnoxious tortoise named Overton Cuspidore. Cuspidore identifies himself as ‘a compliance officer at Goldmine Sacks’. Then things start to get strange…
1.Señor Hsss and the tortoise confront each other. “What’s the big idea?”, demands the tortoise. Señor Hsss replies: “You took the words right out of my mouth!”
2.Hsss picks up his sombrero and goads the tortoise with cool detachment: “Sorry I spoiled your nap, Daddy-o!”
The Tortoise is losing control.”NAP!?? You always barge into peoples’ office?”
3.”This is my OFFICE!” shouts the Tortoise. He is genuinely offended at what he considers an intrusion on his personal space.
4.”Office?” Señor Hsss and Señor Hoss look around in wonderment. The desert around them does not resemble any office either of them has ever seen.
5.The Tortoise brandishes a passport-sized identification document bearing his picture, name and place of employment:
“Cuspidore, Overton. Goldmine Sacks Employee Number 9069408000.”
“I’m a compliance officer at Goldmine-Sacks”, he brags.
6.”That’s WEIRD”, replies Señor Hsss. Cuspidore shoots back:”WEIRD? I have a stesdy job with a major Wall Street firm and I’m WEIRD?”
He gestures behind with his thumb toward the assorted rocks and cacti and appears to address them:
“HEY.FELLAS! I got a friggin’ snake in a sombrero, with a Fu Manchu mustache over here telling me what “weird” is!”
7.Like a Greek chorus in a bad peyote trip, the entire landscape animates to exclaim as one being:
“WE ALL WORK FOR GOLDMINE SACKS!”
8.Señor Hsss opens his mouth as if to scream in protest, but nothing comes out. His voice box is frozen.
Who ever heard a talking snake scream, anyway?
December 14th, 2011
1.Out of nowhere an impertinent buzzard lands on the weathered road sign.
“Tenacious tortoise, huh?”, squawked the buzzard. “Is he ticklish?”
2.The buzzard pulls a feather from his tail. “What say we find out? Señor Hoss is too taxed to reply.
3.The buzzard proffers the feather and continues: “Try THIS on him.” Señor Hoss drops Hsssy and reaches to accept the gift.
4.Hoss applies the device to the throat of the tortoise. He responds directly.
5.Hossy keeps tickling. The tortoise is laughing out loud now.
6.Señor Hoss presses the attack. The Tortoise is losing control.
7. SNAP! The tortoise lets go Sr Hsss and they tumble apart.
8. Señor Hoss, Señor Hsss, the tortoise and the vulture stare stunned at one another. The happy mood is somewhat spoiled. No one feels tickled now.
December 5th, 2011
1. The sum has setted and it is now night time. Señor Hsss and Señor Hoss climb higher and higher into the hills to the remote mountains outside the town of Dogbad.
2. On a high mountain pass they find an ancient road sign. Beside the trail they spy an lonely sentinel: the shell of a desert tortoise apparently abandoned by its occupant. “What’s this?” asks Señor Hoss.
3. Señor Hsss decides to have a closer look: “Anybody HOME?”
4. After removing his sombrero (not shown), Señor Hsss impertinently sticks his head inside and continues to ask, “HELLO- Anybody HOME?”
5. The answer is “SNAP!” The carapace-house-holder is mightily displeased with the intrusion and bites the unwelcome intruder on the nose. Señor Hoss looks on in horror.
6. Señor Hsss screams with pain. Señor Hoss looks on with alarm.
7. Señor Hoss tries to rescue Señor Hsss by pulling him free. The tortoise is having none of it and his vice-like jaws will not slacken. A tug-of-war ensues between Señor Hoss and the tortoise, with Señor Hsss suffering the worst of it.
8. Señor Hoss does not notice a strange vulture descending from the fourth heaven, lighting upon the sign post.
