dogbad

VIEW AS SLIDESHOW!

VIEW THE WHOLE STORY:

1.Señor Hsss and Señor Hoss have hit the road- observe how the road will hit them back.
They are going to hike up the mountain to see the sunset, but the sun has the jump on
them- it set before they got very far past the town limit.
Hoss is eager to shed his role as a socially-acceptable quadruped, and announces his
intention as soon as the pair are out of earshot of any Dogbad Town dogs.
“I suppose we’re out of town far enough.”

2.Hoss stretches his back and stands up on his hind laegs without missing a beat:
“UuhhooOoEeee! Uzzat feel GOOD!”

3.Señor Hsss and Señor Hoss walk on. Señor Hoss: “I am SO tired of walking on all fours.”

4.Hoss unloads his frustrations: “All my friends know I’m bipedal…those town dogs don’t get it.”

5.Hoss: “Just TRY to stand up and walk on your own two feet- just TRY.”

6.Señor Hoss continues: “Them town-dogs look at you like you’re some kind of…”
7. “…ANARCHIST!”
8. Señor Hsss has a surprise in store for his pal: “Wall then, give the anarchist a SEGAR!”

VIEW AS SLIDESHOW!

1. Interior: Dogbad Saloon in the late afternoon. Here we meet the Saloon Landlord, former Olympian bronze medallist Theodore Simon Alvin David “Discus Ted” O’Neil. Discus Ted wastes no words in simultaneously describing his mood and his moniker: “I am Discus Ted. You are scaring my patrons.” These remarks are directed on the endeaffened ears of Señors Hsss and Hoss, who have lowered their consciousness by toasting and drinking each other into a solemn stupor.
2. Having partook Discus Ted’s micro-brewing, Hsss & Hoss experience his macro-bouncing. This isn’t the first time he’s drop-kicked them both out, and it won’t likely be the last.
3. Refuse is hurled to underline the point.
4. Hsss & Hoss consider the awakening a coarse one. Hsss: “Talk about non grata!” Hoss: “How, very, very rude!”
5. Señor Hsss examines his soiled and crushed sombrero. He sees right away it will require expensive re-blocking. What an inconvenience! He may have to send it abroad. What will he wear? It’s the only hat he’s got. Señor Hoss asks: “Where to now?” It’s getting late.
6. It doesn’t take Hsssy long to think of a plan: “Less goap the mountain and wash the sun sit!”
7. Hoss thinks this is a Boney Day and says so. Pleased with his idea, Señor Hsss congratulates himself: “Farm Edible!”
8. The sum is sitting in the distant maghreb, but it may as well sit right on top of Señors Hsss and Hoss as they pass beyond the town’s outer limits. If they notice the notice posted by Dogbad Sheriff D D Divtag, we don’t notice: “DON’T LET THE SUN SIT ON YOU HERE, REPTILE.”

At the Dogbad Saloon, Senor Hoss and Senor Hsss have a frank discussion about religion.

VIEW AS SLIDESHOW!

1.Senor Hoss and Senor Hsss while away the workday drinking in the Dogbad Saloon.
Senor Hoss has imbibed to the point where he feels comfortable enough to pose a question that has been bothering his fine equine mind:
“Senor Hsss, ken I ask you a personal question?”
Senor Hsss: “Shoot.”

2.Senor Hoss takes this literally and, out of thin air, produces his faithful blunderbus (named WOOLY BULLY). In a nano-instant he has squeezed Wooly Bully’s trigger and WoolyBully exclaims:”BLAM!”

3.The concussion sent Senor Hsss’ sombrero spinning as he ducked to avoid the shot.
Sr Hsss glares at Senor Hoss:”I speckted you’d do that.”
Sr Hoss laughs: “I speckted you would!”

4.Sr Hsss recovers his composure and re-arranges his sombrero.
Sr Hsss: “Go ahead- ask your question.”

5.Senor Hoss puts it blunt: “What’s up with that new cult you joined?”

6.Senor Hsss blows his top at this: “CULT?” “Do you refer to the SOCRATIC CIRCLE of the SNAKE SHAMAN?”

7.Senor Hsss is so digusted with Senor Hoss’ characterization of his club as a “cult”, his first instinct is to display an air of pretentious arrogance, and faux-sympathetic patronization: “Pas du tout! I am sorry for you my friend. Really, I am. I see now that your peculiarly personal species of gross philistine ignorance stems from depths even darker than I had imagined.”

8.Senor Hsss explains it all to Senor Hoss: “The Socratic Circle of the Snake Shaman (may the hierarchy of saurian evolution exhalt his stature) is not in any sense a “cult”, no, no, not in any sense whatsoever-…for your information we are, in fact, an officially designated Terrorist Organization!”

The Snake Shaman Comes to Town

VIEW AS SLIDESHOW
1. The dasht- we call it the desert. High in a remote mountainous region, known to us crackers only as an enormous blank area on our maps, a lone figure slowly makes his way across the horizon.
2. From out of the purple mountains’ majesty comes the Snake Shaman. Nobody knows the Shaman’s real name. He won’t tell. Only the snakes know his name, and they know the Snake Shaman better than anybody.
3. When the Snake Shaman beckons the snakes follow. These noble reptiles have vowed to follow the Snake Shaman wherever he leads them.
4. When the Shaman goes to town, the snakes all follow.
5. The Old Wizard enters the town of Dogbad, with his scaly entourage. The townies are not amused. The rodents worry.
6. Nonetheless, there are two townies who are very easily amused: Loafing in the shade on the front porch of the Dogbad Saloon, it’s handsome (if a bit slovenly) outlaw Kit McKlaw, and his sidekick Suicide Cat.
7. Kit McKlaw asks his pal Suicide if he’s ever seen this stranger.
8. Suicide Cat blinks in the mid-day glare. His eyes are unsteady, but he’s sure he’s never seen this strange-looking character before.
9. McKlaw is a friendly fellow. He hails the old man with the stick and the stone tablet under his arm. Recalling that sticks and stones can’t hurt him, (or something like that), Kit inquires as to the Shaman’s business.
Suicide Cat eyes the stranger suspiciously.
10. The Shaman wheels and pronounces something in an unfamiliar tongue- his bescaled entourage move as one. They project a menacingly choreographed glare toward the uncomprehending feline cowpokes.
11. McKlaw tries to understand; he thinks the Shaman is asking directions. Suicide tries to bluff his way with an air of don’t care.
12. He points down the street to a local gambling establishment, “The Golden Derivative”.
13.  McKlaw continues  trying to help; Suicide is snotty.
14.The old Wizard loses patience with such seeming impertinence.
15. The Shaman is an important guy, not to be trifled with. He is nobody’s sweetheart and he tells them so.
16. Poor Kit McKlaw is taken aback by the old man’s outburst. With no idea what this geezer was on about, he is unsure what to think.
Neither does Suicide know what to think, but he doesn’t care.
There is nothing he can do about it, so he decides to forget it. Within minutes both cats are snoring.

Meanwhile, downtown, the vice-president has gone mad.